13 July 2011

Boys Do Not Rule The World

Being the queen of the house has a gazillion upsides.  The boys are never rough with me, they sometimes carry my bags for me, they open doors for me and they tell me I am beautiful.  But they are still of the sperm carrying species which means that they have traces of the double standard and gender biased hormone in them.  As much as I try to prove to them that women rule the world, they get this ridiculous notion that girls can't do things boys do and boys can't do things girls do.  No matter how hard I strive to set things straight, they insist I am lying because their friends told them otherwise.  A friend that isn't mature enough to even cross the street by himself, a friend that most likely has a bedtime of 8:30 and most likely sleeps with a stuffed doll, a friend that is so small he needs a friggin booster chair to see out the car window, a friend that is not capable of writing in cursive or spelling the word prejudice.  Little boys with misguided thoughts.  Next time these friends come over I should ask them to leave their narrow minds outside the house.  

When the earthlings want to do some role playing I always HAVE to be the female character.  If I choose to be Obi Wan Kenobi or The Big Bad Wolf they will not have it.  In their minds there is no way I can be those characters because they are boys and my insisting that I can be whatever I want to be in a world of make believe only brings them to tears and accusations of foul play.  Aren't we just PRETENDING, what's big deal?  Isn't the whole point to be someone you aren't? I think I forgot to mention in the first paragraph the innate stubborn hormone inherent in all men of all sizes.

The gender bias isn't even the same for them, being so yin and yang as they are.  Supposedly inappropriate long hair for men is fairly easy to refute with Gael.  A quick Google picture search of the ever so cool Bono, Lenny and Brad will make him beg me for long hair.  Aiden refuses to have anything but a barber's cut and he is the one with the silky, shiny, straight Asian hair.  Go figure.  Particular colors and dressing for the male gender is not a light battle.  Gael particularly refuses to wear pink as it interferes with his almost 6 year old masculinity.  The words tough guys wear pink fall on his deaf ears and I end up feeling like such a square mom suggesting to him what he should wear.  Aiden on the other hand couldn't care less if I gave him pink shoes.  

Then there are the sweeping statements that make me so enraged I can't help but take them personally.  You can't drive fast because you're a girl.  You're not strong because you're a girl.  You can't beat me at Wii because boys are better at Wii.  We don't play with the girls anymore because their games are corny.  Only daddies can drive motorcycles.  Only mamas go to the grocery.  Boys don't dance ballet.  Boys only breakdance.  Only boys can moonwalk.  Mama, you have to cook the food because you're a girl.  Mama, you're a loser because you're a girl.         

OH SHUT UP!  What do you know?  You can't even tie your damn shoelaces.  For your information little earthlings I can do whatever the fuck I want BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN.

You're picking a fight with the wrong person.  I'm going to whip your asses into open mindedness.