19 August 2011

Did You Lay An Egg?

He thought he was being absolutely slap your knee hilarious when he asked me this.  What Gael didn't count on was my telling him that he did in fact come from an egg.  He assumed I was kidding around and teased me about laying an egg and hatching it.   When I worried about giving the whole sex talk it never dawned on me the scientific facts of the details would be lost in translation to a 6 year-old.  I can imagine the whole ovulation process boring the hell out of the earthlings and chances are the menstrual cycle will make them puke.  Blood where?  Every friggin month?  They are men, albeit little but still men, I don't expect anything else. 

I should have just left it there but I didn't want to be the parent of the kid that tells his class and friends that I sat on an egg and he hatched out of it.  I had classmates that believed the dumbest how babies are made stories until they got their period and I made so much fun of them felt so sorry for them.  The truth will set you free, right?  Actually, girls have eggs inside them that become babies and when the baby is big enough it is ready to be born.  Ah, the inconceivable.  But how can eggs fit inside?  Won't the egg hatch when you move?  After assuring him the human eggs are not as fragile, a lot smaller than bird eggs and I didn't have to sit on it in a giant nest perched on a tree he is satisfied.  He was feeling really cool to have come from an egg.  For a moment at least.

Did the egg come out of your vagina?

Damn it, Rone, why do you have to be so unflinchingly honest!  He is only in Prep, he will survive thinking he hatched out of an egg.  I bet at least one of his classmates thinks the same thing.  We revisit the whole the egg becomes a baby part.  Inside the tummy.  Plus the human egg has no shell that hatches just to make sure it is all clear.  Right when I think I've got my bases covered, a curve ball comes my way.  So I came out of your vagina?  Yes sir!  Then I realize that his best cousins were c-section babies so I have to qualify that most babies come out of the vagina but sometimes the baby has a hard time and they open the stomach to take the baby out.  Then came a whole slew of questions that included the areas of pain and fitting down the rabbit hole.

Looks like were doing the snail crawl from the introduction to sex to the definition of the uterus to the prologue to ovulation.  Next is the speedy sperm, wham bam and thank you ma'am.