01 June 2012

For the Earthlings To Read In 10 Years

Last night I was plugging in this hot compress to heat it up when it blew up.  Well the compress itself didn't blow up but the wall socket and plug did, which is freakier.  It could have caused one of those fires that eats your home in one swoop.  There was this buzzing sound like the one you hear in the movies when the bad mafia guys are torturing the hero with some high tech electrocuting device while they threaten to immerse his feet in a pool of water.  Tiny sparks flew in the air.  The plug was barbecued and the metal thongs or whatever you call them were black as coal.  I screamed like a wus and expected the house  to come up in flames any second.

In a twisted attempt to console me the earthlings, who were right there in the same room, barraged me with the most testosterone filled thoughts.

That was so cool!
What did you do?
Mama, how did the explosion look like?
Was it big?
Did you get electrocuted?
Can I see your hand?

I nearly burned the house down.  Or worse I could have burned off all my hair including my eyebrows and eyelashes.  Yes boys, I could have gotten electrocuted AND burned my friggin hand.  And that is all I get?  I can only console myself with the thought of being cool in your books.  So when you're 15 and you think I am the worst person in the world for not letting you drive without a license or giving you a Cinderella curfew, remember last night.  When I don't buy you those $300 designer jeans everyone is wearing or give you a hand me down gadget instead of a brand spanking new one, remember last night.  Remember how cool I was when I plugged something and caused a small explosion, avoided getting electrocuted and managed to keep my hand unscathed.

You said it yourselves last night, I am awesome.  Don't forget it.