12 June 2012

The Tease

Aiden is that sort of person that knows how to push your buttons.  He knows every one's weakness and uses it to piss the hell out of everyone.   Gael is our very own Incredible Hulk and Aiden knows exactly how to set him off into a raging rampage of anger or reduce him to a fit of tears.  Then he sits there pleased and giggling to himself at the sight of his brother's misery.  I flash him THE look but he just switches to a puppy dog face with eyes that seem to say what did I do?

Next to Gael I am his favorite victim.  I'm a pretty laid back person but this 5-year-old little runt can really get on my nerves.  He does all the things that annoy me.  On purpose.  He sits beside me at dinner and while I am eating he likes to rub my legs with his feet. Please. Do. Not. Touch. Me. With. Your. Feet.  He doesn't do it to Paco who doesn't mind the footsies at all.  He only does it me.  He also likes to jiggle my arm fat and snicker while doing it.  Mama, you're like jello!   

Mind games is another one of his little tricks.  He enjoys saying things that are obviously wrong but thinks it's the funniest thing to say the opposite.  Lately he finds it funny to talk about my non existent penis.  When we are in a public bathroom and we take turns peeing in a small cubicle he never fails to ask me why I don't pee standing up.  When I tell him I can only pee seated he responds that if I just used my penis then I could pee standing up.  His best buddy in the neighborhood just became an older brother and now Aiden wants to have a baby in the house too because it's unfair that his friend has one and he doesn't.  Well I quickly inform him that the baby making factory is closed.  He is stumped, what baby making factory?  Me! That always gets him laughing and steers him away from baby thoughts.  Then he comes in for the killer closing.  So does the baby come out of your penis?   

I've tried to patiently explain the facts of the human anatomy but he exactly knows what parts belong to men and what parts belong to women.  He loves to barge in the bathroom every frigging time I'm using it so he definitely knows that I do not have a penis.  I've tried not to laugh and inadvertently condone teasing.  I've tried not to give him a big smile and high five.  But I love his twisted, crazy sense of humor.  I love his out of the box personality and just how different he is from anyone else I know.  Aiden is Aiden and that is how it always should be.