Fathering Earthlings: Breaking The Rules

In the Guerrero household I am the rule breaker and Paco is Mr. Goody Two Shoes.  Yes, folks you read that right.  It may surprise you that he is on the conventional side of the fence.  Well as conventional as a tattooed person can get.  I myself was caught by surprise.  When we first met it was a blur of messy decadence, wining and dining, a slew of scotch on the rocks, late nights at Industria and dancing till dawn at Mars.  Then we lived together and he became a total housewife.  I was fooled! I thought I shacked up with a temperamental party animal but instead I got a man whose side my mom will always take when we argue.  Or even if we don't argue, my mom is simply on his side.  Now this isn't what I am complaining about, on the contrary this is the good bit.

Last week Paco did the unthinkable and let Gael sit in the passenger seat of the car.   They did come from somewhere close by, but still.  Without a car seat AND in the front passenger seat.  What was he thinking? Is this some bizarre midlife crisis? Did his daily 4 cups of coffee in the morning finally damage his brain? Although I have to admit we have gone without car seats in those typical Filipino times of having too many people in the car, I am a staunch believer of the car seat for children.  It's bad enough I have let them go without it a few times too many, but to have 6 year old Gael sit in the passenger seat is way too much rule breaking.  Even for me.

But you know what was the worst part? Yes let's make the most of this post, shall we? Maybe my mom will finally take my side on this one.  Paco didn't even tell me about it.  Gael came running to me to brag that Daddy let him sit up front.  Without a car seat! He had the nerve to do it but didn't even have the gall tell me himself.  This makes me suspect it was a ridiculously pathetic attempt to get on Gael's cool side.  Well, I had no qualms telling both of them that sitting in the front seat at his age is NOT cool but absolutely STUPID.  Car seats may not be the law in the Philippines but we do have the craziest drivers in the world. 

And really, of all the rules to break???  He could have just fed the kid a pork chop.  From Jollibee even.     

Humor Us

Aiden has suddenly become a total joker slash stand up comedienne.  At his birthday last week he even entertained his guests with some jokes.  Complete with Fozzie Bear's waka waka waka closing.  For the most part the jokes are so lame and so corny I have to let out an awkward, stiff and totally fake HA! HA! HA!  But one day he actually got me to genuinely laugh out loud. 

Aiden:  Mama, what would happen if I put a banana peel on the floor and you stepped on it?

Me:  I'd slip and fall flat on my butt.

Aiden:  No, you'd be the Slipping Beauty!  WAKA! WAKA! WAKA!

Penguin Birthday

It was Aiden's 5th birthday Aprill 11th and he had a small get together to celebrate.  No, not small more like an exclusive select get together.  You almost needed a VIP card to get in.  We're not the sort of family that does big crazy parties with booths, balloon pillars or annoying hosts that take over the occasion.  No, I'm too cheap to spend on something like that.  I guess I must have brainwashed the earthlings to think the same because Aiden only invited a grand total of 7 adults, 6 kids (one being his brother) and 1 baby (only because the baby's mom is the love of his life, actually one of the adults is the husband of the love of his life so his invitation was by default).  He was so excited he wanted to decorate the house at the last minute.  When guests arrived he took his hosting to heart ushering guests inside, offering them snacks and introducing them to his fluffy friends who apparently were invited to the party as well.

When Aiden wanted to do some decorating an hour before guests were scheduled to arrive this was the easiest thing I could think off.  Not too bad if I must say so myself.  There is some good to all this time I spend on Pinterest after all.  Ok, ok that last sentence was a lame attempt at getting you to follow my Pins.  Lame and shameless, how very me.  

First Words

In a galaxy far, far away from planet alpha mom is planet mothering earthlings.  When it comes to mothering my experiences don't exactly represent wisdom or they wouldn't have you taking down notes.  At the most they would give you a good laugh and that great I'm-so-glad-I'm-not-her feeling.  And that is only if you find humor in the earthlings using my toothbrush to scrub the floor or asking all about penis massage.  I guess this is pretty much stating the obvious.


Having said that, I expect no stone throwing and booing when I admit that I don't have baby books for the earthlings.  I will never know the exact date they rolled over or took their first step.  I didn't keep a locket of their first haircut or whatever other crap you're supposed to keep.  I couldn't be bothered and honestly I don't think it's all important.  My mom had baby books for all of us and we used to love looking at them when we were kids but I don't think I am a better person because I can look up the date I started to crawl or what I got for my first birthday or look at the belly button scab that fell off in my second week of life.  Besides now we have a hard drive upon hard drive of pictures and videos that we can go through.  So much better than useless information if you ask me.


Or so I thought.  The earthlings have been so into themselves lately.  Not just the ordinary the world revolves around me attitude all children have in them but in a more narcissistic.  When I say that, I say it with the hugest eye roll in the galaxy of non alpha moms.  They cannot get enough of looking at their pictures and videos from birth to present.  They each have a photo book of the first year of their lives (ah! not so zeta mom after all!) and they cannot get enough of it.  This all fine by me, it's fun looking through old pictures and watching videos of them with their chubby thighs.  But it doesn't end here.


The trouble started when they asked what their first words were.  Dude, I don't remember! But I didn't have the heart to tell them so I did what all zeta moms would do, I made it up.  Yes I folks I lied and I was trying to make it sound better.  *Cue in mega eye roll from galaxy alpha mom*  The thing about lying is you have to be consistent and you have to have a story to back it up.  You can't just blurt the first thing that comes to mind like I did or you'll get caught in your lie.  I mix up their first words, I change them every now and I switch between English, Spanish and Filipino words.  They are really on to me now.  I think Aiden definitely knows what's going on.  He has not only asked what his first word was but what his second, third, fourth and fifth words were.  It's hard enough to remember the first ones what more 5 words each???  The little devil is making me sweat but I think I'm better at this game.  I have two magic albeit made up first words that always get them laughing - caca and utot (fart).  Never fails.

Musings of A First Time Mama

First time mama and fashion stylist Leona Laviña-Panutat absolutely loves this googoo&gaga Funky Zebra onesie.