The Joy of Boys 8

The boys seem to think having a baby is the easiest thing in world.  Paco included.  To them having a baby would be all fun and games.  Paco included until he sees the diaper bill and later on the tuition times three bill.  Yeah sure, fun and games until the baby gets colicky, screams like a sacrificial goat and then everyone hands the baby over to ME!!!!  Paco is at the head of that line.  I think I mentioned in some post, but am too darn lazy to look for it right now, that Aiden's best friend in the neighborhood recently became an older brother.  Aiden says the baby is so cute we should have one too.  I remind him that a baby isn't a possession that he can have just because his friend has one.  He promises to play with the baby, carry the baby all the time and tell jokes to make the baby laugh.  Surpise, surprise, Paco does too.

The boys are always asking for a puppy and there is only one thing that convinces them it is a bad idea - the thought of cleaning it's poop.  So it's tactic poop scare to the rescue and I tell them that you have to change a baby's poopy diapers around a gazillion times a day.  Not only that, they wake up 2 gazillion times at night to drink milk.  Of course Mr. Smarty Pants KNOWS.  He just knows.  But Mama, you will change the diapers and feed the baby, right? I would have cried prejudice pig in my freedom childless years but having had two earthlings, I know that I will do the gazillion diaper changes and I will be the zombie doing the all the nighttime feedings.  So you see Aiden, you are picking all the wrong arguments.  Instead of winning me over to you cause, you are convincing me otherwise.


Right when I hear the Chariots of Fire song playing in my head as I am about to raise my arms up in victory and my uterus is no longer shaking in fear, I get totally blindsided by the other earthling.  Mama, didn't you like us when we were babies?  Who knew Gael was sitting there planning his attack?  He is supposed to be the sweet and sensitive one.  My mini me in so many ways.  My partner in crime. 

I smell Paco and his daddy's little girl dream all over this. 

Kuya Na Si Bunso (No, This Is Not An Announcement!)

There aren't enough Filipino children's books out there.  At bookstores the rack of Filipino authors is always on the lean side.  It is also usually filled with books that seem to follow an archaic formula.  Most books are legends or what we call alamats.  We love the books we have, The Legend of the Carabao and The Legend of the Crocodile are the favorites of the earthlings, but I am sure a we can do something else.  Something that is funny or contemporary or more adventurous or something the kids can relate to.

When I found out that Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan was launching a new book called Kuya Na Si Bunso I was a bit skeptical.  I was hoping that it would be something different and not the usual legend we are all kinda sick of in Casa Guerrero but I really wasn't expecting much.  Well Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan did not disappoint, Kuya Na Si Bunso is an excellent book.  It is well written, it is entertaining and it is something children can absolutely relate to.  While the main character of the book is going through a rough time, wondering what will happen to him when the new baby is born and he no longer will be the bunso (youngest child), it isn't only for kuyas to be.  Any child who feels a pang of sibling rivalry and jealousy will understand what the hero is going through.  

One thing that makes me a fan of this book is that it address this mean and annoying tendency Filipino people have of teasing children in the most ridiculous and inappropriate ways.  Whether it is the yaya (nanny) telling the child that if she does something wrong the police are going to come and get her or a parent telling a child that they are so fat or extended family asking a little boy what is he going to do now that he isn't the bunso.  It is just plain wrong.  Shocking that at this day and age people still do this, you'd think we all know better.

You can tell that this book was written from the heart and this is what makes it special.

The Joke Gift

Aiden is the child that lives in his own world.  His  ideas are absolutely surreal, he swims against the current and he totally kills me with his one liners.  While his brother made a lovely drawing of the family for Father's Day, Aiden decided that this was way too corny for him.  Instead he said he was going to give Paco a joke.  He wouldn't tell me the joke because the gift wasn't for me.  Thanks dude. I only carried you in my womb for 40 weeks and 4 days among a million other things.  He only told me the joke after he got to tell Paco.  It was something about a duck seeing a psychiatrist and being all quacked up.

Football Tournaments

I so understand stage moms now that I have kids.  Although it is sports (for now, Aiden might just make me a real stage mom) that we are involved in I am sure it is the same feeling of pride and the same amount of unnecessary coaching done.  Here is a summarized version of what happens on Gael's football tournament days.

This is what needs to be prepared in time for a 7 a.m. ETD and how the set up looks after unpacking.

We spend a lot of time taking refuge from the sun while we wait for the next game.

There is a lot discipline and team work by these young kids.  After 5-8 hours in the scorching sun, I can only hope there is a medal for them to take home.

For the soccer mom, I get to take home the biggest smile in the whole universe or the frustration of a defeated little boy.  That and the most horrible, unsexy tan lines one can ever get.  No filters in the first one.  I swear!

The Tease

Aiden is that sort of person that knows how to push your buttons.  He knows every one's weakness and uses it to piss the hell out of everyone.   Gael is our very own Incredible Hulk and Aiden knows exactly how to set him off into a raging rampage of anger or reduce him to a fit of tears.  Then he sits there pleased and giggling to himself at the sight of his brother's misery.  I flash him THE look but he just switches to a puppy dog face with eyes that seem to say what did I do?

Next to Gael I am his favorite victim.  I'm a pretty laid back person but this 5-year-old little runt can really get on my nerves.  He does all the things that annoy me.  On purpose.  He sits beside me at dinner and while I am eating he likes to rub my legs with his feet. Please. Do. Not. Touch. Me. With. Your. Feet.  He doesn't do it to Paco who doesn't mind the footsies at all.  He only does it me.  He also likes to jiggle my arm fat and snicker while doing it.  Mama, you're like jello!   

Mind games is another one of his little tricks.  He enjoys saying things that are obviously wrong but thinks it's the funniest thing to say the opposite.  Lately he finds it funny to talk about my non existent penis.  When we are in a public bathroom and we take turns peeing in a small cubicle he never fails to ask me why I don't pee standing up.  When I tell him I can only pee seated he responds that if I just used my penis then I could pee standing up.  His best buddy in the neighborhood just became an older brother and now Aiden wants to have a baby in the house too because it's unfair that his friend has one and he doesn't.  Well I quickly inform him that the baby making factory is closed.  He is stumped, what baby making factory?  Me! That always gets him laughing and steers him away from baby thoughts.  Then he comes in for the killer closing.  So does the baby come out of your penis?   

I've tried to patiently explain the facts of the human anatomy but he exactly knows what parts belong to men and what parts belong to women.  He loves to barge in the bathroom every frigging time I'm using it so he definitely knows that I do not have a penis.  I've tried not to laugh and inadvertently condone teasing.  I've tried not to give him a big smile and high five.  But I love his twisted, crazy sense of humor.  I love his out of the box personality and just how different he is from anyone else I know.  Aiden is Aiden and that is how it always should be.

For the Earthlings To Read In 10 Years

Last night I was plugging in this hot compress to heat it up when it blew up.  Well the compress itself didn't blow up but the wall socket and plug did, which is freakier.  It could have caused one of those fires that eats your home in one swoop.  There was this buzzing sound like the one you hear in the movies when the bad mafia guys are torturing the hero with some high tech electrocuting device while they threaten to immerse his feet in a pool of water.  Tiny sparks flew in the air.  The plug was barbecued and the metal thongs or whatever you call them were black as coal.  I screamed like a wus and expected the house  to come up in flames any second.

In a twisted attempt to console me the earthlings, who were right there in the same room, barraged me with the most testosterone filled thoughts.

That was so cool!
What did you do?
Mama, how did the explosion look like?
Was it big?
Did you get electrocuted?
Can I see your hand?
Awesome!

I nearly burned the house down.  Or worse I could have burned off all my hair including my eyebrows and eyelashes.  Yes boys, I could have gotten electrocuted AND burned my friggin hand.  And that is all I get?  I can only console myself with the thought of being cool in your books.  So when you're 15 and you think I am the worst person in the world for not letting you drive without a license or giving you a Cinderella curfew, remember last night.  When I don't buy you those $300 designer jeans everyone is wearing or give you a hand me down gadget instead of a brand spanking new one, remember last night.  Remember how cool I was when I plugged something and caused a small explosion, avoided getting electrocuted and managed to keep my hand unscathed.

You said it yourselves last night, I am awesome.  Don't forget it.